Curse You

“What bounces off me…sticks to you.”

Ever heard of this saying? A silly rhyme holds a hallmark of truth. What we put out comes back to us. If we put it out with charge, energy, and high emotion, it cycles even faster.

Unconsciousness has a rhythm, a pattern, and it has an agenda.

We live in a world where people stand behind the belief that we do the best we can, sitting in minds that cause the agony that got us there in the first place.

We have been taught to try and think, reason, rationalize, dictate, mediate, critique, disassemble, and reassemble the process. There is only one big problem with this. The mind operates on only two faculties, the past and the possible future. Rationale, reason, and justification cannot live in the present.  

Why would we want to be in the present when trying to deal with our personal conflict?

Isn’t the moment right now, where we are experiencing the most pain?

No. That is the illusion. The mind toggles between fear of a possible future and the hardships of the past. Neither of these feels good and most certainly creates a spiral of negativity, confusion, attack, and defense. This is unconsciousness.

Let’s talk unconsciousness.  What is it? What are the rhythms, patterns, and modus operandi of this primitive construct? Primitive, yes.  

The actions of Fight, Flight, and Freeze come exactly from this one amazing organ in the brain called the Amygdala. This tiny organ is very useful under certain conditions, like needing to flee from danger. It is not intended to be the resource for making all decisions and actions.

The conditions of our world have put us in fear and panic, with massive, almost uncontrollable increases in depression, addiction, and suicide. That means our Fight, Flight, and Freeze operations are working overtime. And we have come to believe this is a normal way of life. This is the way to live a life of suffering.

Presence is peace. We get glimpses and passing experiences of this when we live in the mind and do our best to control our outcomes. This is like trying to control the waves of the sea and then getting angry when things don’t move your way.

The universe is a vast sea that cannot be controlled by the doing of man. It reads energy. It reads love and intent. Energy. Remember this. Vibration is energy with intention. This is the language of the universe. It doesn’t hear what you’re doing. It feels and resonates. It listens and responds to frequency or vibration.

Lack of Accountability and Responsibility

If you go to work every day and hate your job, hate your life, hate your spouse, and wish it would all change on the outside so that your inner world will be different, you will only get more of what you hate.

We are aligned with our emotions and feelings. And this is extraordinarily important in understanding the laws of the universe and how this shapes our life.

Relationships are no different. When we get charged into victimization, we begin blaming others for the shadows we need to work on ourselves.

These are a few phrases that clearly demonstrate unconscious behavior and a lack of willingness to see one’s own power. It is egocentric, fraught with conditions and expectations, twisting perspectives and not acknowledging the damage done to another.

These are victim responses to a mind that has convinced its host that the rest of the world is at fault and that we are doing all we can. We are not doing all we can. We are not even doing the best we can. We are being controlled by a mind that will lie and keep lying to get what it wants, even if it kills you.

The Curses

“This is on you.”

Truth: This is never on you. All attacks hold a Shadow. Every shadow is for its holder, no one else. The reality is, it's on them.

“This is your fault, not mine.”

Truth: Blame is Shadow.  Shadows are the single most important thing to recognize and work through to have a meaningful, fulfilling life. All Blame is Unconsciousness.

“You did this.”

Truth: You shined a light in that person’s darkness. And it pissed them off. The first line of an attack is to throw our inner problems onto another person, projecting. They might as well slap a huge sign on their forehead: I did this!

“How long are you going to hang on to this?”

Truth: No one has control over how you process your emotions. No one has the right to tell you that you need to get over this already. A person’s position is to stay in their own awareness. As Byron Katie says, “Stay in your own business.” There is a lot of work to do there. Anyone who uses this approach is stuffing their feelings way down and is believing that you should, too.

“Why do you always bring this out in me?”

Truth: Neil Donal Walsh puts it beautifully. “God brings us nothing but angels.”

Meaning, every painful situation is an opportunity to go inward. We receive the blessing and the recognition of the Shadow and go do the inner work necessary to dissolve the suffering.

If we go into projection, the ego mind has taken command, and it’s is going to smash you into the rocks, repeatedly guaranteed.

These are all projections.

Projections are diversions. It is the mind’s way of bypassing what needs to be addressed in you and blaming the other person for your angst. It is a way of making the other person wrong, so you appear right. These are low vibrational ways of operating.

The Hawkins Scale of Energy measures exactly where these frequencies resonate in real, evidential time. All projections are fear and victimization. The accusations above come from the basement of vibrations.

Fear seats itself as the driving force behind all projections, attacks, and defenses. Fear rates at a 30 on the Hawkins Scale as one of the lowest vibrations present. It gives way to vindictive calculations and behaviors. These reside out of Guilt, dipping down into the lowest vibration on the scale, Shame.

Shame sits at a staggering 20, being the most despising, and miserable. At its source lies humiliation, feelings of disrespect, and the need to eliminate. This is how they turn humans into war machines. Shame, blame, and guilt drive this chaos into overdrive. This will shred a life faster than anything because it all comes back to you.

To understand the scope of what we are looking at, conscious love and partnerships sit at a glorious 500 scaling higher into Joy, Bliss, and absolute Peace. This is 600 and above on the vibrational scale.  Enlightenment sits over 1,000. Remember, Enlightenment is Being, not doing, no destination.

The level of neutrality which is the baseline for Tantra is at 250. This is where Trust and Surrender are present. Unconscious behavior in love is like swallowing poison every day. We are making dharma every moment of our lives through our actions. There is nothing you can throw at someone that will actually hurt them near as much as you will hurt you.

Remember that growing together means operating on actions that draw your loved one close to you. Energy of blame and shame will draw only more darkness and despair, manifesting into crippling doubt. Toxic.

In an unconscious relationship, repressed emotions are constantly being triggered and projected as blame onto our partner. What’s really happening is that our partner is simply triggering feelings of repression.

Monkey Mind Control

This is called “Bypassing,” and it's unique to the mind’s design to convince you everything is alright.

In fact, it gets downright dangerous and most usually happens when people begin their journey into awareness, aka consciousness.  This tactic looks like this:

Don’t feel negative. Negativity isn’t Truth, so don’t go there. (Bypass)

If you feel these feelings, you will get hurt. (Bypass)

Feeling dark is not enlightenment. Strive for peace at any cost. Even if it’s an illusion.  (Bypass)

Bypassing is a diversion. The imperative truth lies in that the unawakened mind is insidious.  It creates addiction, violence, and death.

When you stuff it down and say it’s alright, you lie to yourself first and foremost. This action is an outright disapproval of YOU.

The conception of the mind is that if you go there to experience these feelings, you may never escape. You will hurt someone. Things will get worse, and you may lose control.

Outrageous and total crap! The mind has its host hostage at this point and is creating an incinerator in a pressure cooker. How we process these shadows and challenges is everything. If you are screaming at someone because you are angry, then you are projecting. Projecting is the language of the Monkey Mind, Unconsciousness, the small brain. It is not Truth.

Truth is love. Love is who we are. Love is where we return to our own self-discovery.

I lead workshops like the Swamp and Spring Clean, along with majestic and ancient dances that bring women into their Spirit, into the feminine essence, into their power. This works. It clears and transmutes that energy so it can be redirected, but first, we have to go there and get what we need in the shadow. Coaches like me are trained to guide people through this passage safely, effectively.

What’s not effective is losing your shit on someone and thinking you’re getting somewhere. You cannot work through your angst in the same mind that created it. Consciousness goes past the mind.

You are not your mind. The mind changes, and it is affected by all kinds of excessive stimuli. And because of that, the mind can and is persuaded to behave accordingly to the laws of fitting in and not subjecting oneself to danger. We are right back to taking orders from this part of the brain.

Consciousness is being vigilant in one’s healing and committed to the love and dedication it takes to walk this road, while your jobs change, your friends leave you, and you grow apart from your lovers.  It requires resilience. Once you see Truth you can’t go back. You don’t want to. 

Fun fact, after room is made, the miraculous and adventurous appears. Nothing can be introduced until room is made for it. If we don’t clean our spiritual closet, the universe does its magic and it clears it for us.

Awakening begins with Awareness. Awareness evolves into Awakening. Awakening opens us to our Enlightenment which is a state of being and not a destination.

Out for War

The monkey mind is always on the Defense. The moment you feel defensive, get clear.

In this space, the mind awaits, dagger in hand and a shield in the other. It is prepared for war. And guess what? That’s exhausting and disastrous.

Higher vibrational frequencies like Courage, Love, Passion, Joy, and Bliss have absolutely no need for daggers and shields.  

The work of freeing the mind and coming into the heart needs to take center stage for a life well-lived. All of life, not just relationships.  

Get clear.

Meditation has its place and is vital to growing out of the small-mindedness of society's standards. It is not the end game, however. Emotions live in the tissues, the cells and in the organs of the body. Meditation is mind work, not body work. Somatic practice, where you can feel and move the body then transmute it, is equally as important as meditation.

I also do an additional practice with my clients when they can’t see that they are operating from attack and defense. We use it in inquiry and grab our ah-ha moments, dive into meditation, and end with somatic practice. This makes the practice a full-spectrum healing.

ALL RESISTANCE COMES FROM THE MIND

This does not mean we let people hurt or walk all over us because we shouldn’t resist. That would be bypassing. See how this works? It doesn’t mean we pretend things don’t matter either. Resistance is the mind’s attempt to keep you where you are. At all costs, no matter what it wants, to keep you locked into toggling between past and possible future because it can’t go with you where there is peace. The present.

The present is not your space of agony. When we sit in a space of here and now, right here, right now, as the Witness of thought, not being the thought itself, we are free. We see from the Eye of the Observer, the Knowing of God within.

Do you need axes and walls to protect you in the here and now? Unless you are being physically harmed, in which case I am hoping you will remove yourself, then you have no need for weapons of any kind.

Weapons are needed when there is a threat. All threats belong to a mind that feels it can be harmed and must safeguard against attack. What is to protect in the space of awareness right now?

Exactly. This is the space where we can open to bliss because we are not overtaken by fear. We will exercise our use of reason for our beliefs. We aren’t our beliefs, either. Those can and do change.

How do we awaken?

First, find a coach, a guru, a leader, a mentor, a teacher, a shaman, or a healer who can guide you. This is not a process to try and do on your own because it is most definitely without a doubt the most challenging and rewarding thing you will ever do.

As my teachers instructed me, the mind is your intelligence used against you.  You will not see it coming because the moment you think it, you’ve whispered your plan into the ear of the Devil. Your teacher or coach will be able to deliver the tool or instrument necessary to clear the shadow and the suffering it's causing you.

Healthy relationships begin with you.

Take care that you saturate your world in the words and wisdom of the wise. This is not the time to be a know it all. Consider that you know nothing and come as an open, clean slate ready to rediscover what has been forgotten.

Healthy relationships are created when paths are aligned. True paths that align do not invest their time in being ‘right’. Time is invested in discovery. True love brings true love. That is a process of evolution. The only war that’s worth fighting is the one taking place in the mind. And when you stop waging war with yourself, heaven is delivered.

Conscious relationships grow through brightness and clearing shadows. They are so devoted to being Love that they work through their challenges as if it were the most important thing on earth, because it is.

No relationship goes without challenges. How challenges are worked through speaks volumes into one’s awareness.

These are not times to be critical of yourself. It is time to move forward and invest in what will authentically change your life.

Love and Light,

Phaedra